How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
