I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
