Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
