1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
