I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
