oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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