guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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