I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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