3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just found puke in my bra..
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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