i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
