i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
