There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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