after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
