the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
