the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Randomize
