lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
