ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
