I'm drive I can fine osifer
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
