I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
