Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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