It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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