My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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