The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
