Your face is a jimmy john
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
