And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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