I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My vagina is officially offended.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
