Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
