so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
