I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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