I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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