He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
