you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
