How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
