party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
