just tell him i said nine months
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
