i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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