i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
