I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
