How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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