your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
