Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
