The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
