apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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