The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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