the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
