you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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