rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
