I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
