she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
this just has baby written all over it
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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