you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
