fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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