He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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