Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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